A Paradox

Now here is a Paradox, furthering 'are edukayshun diskushun wot we've bin 'avin'. It is said often and loudly, not least by the cultured presses that people to-day (or is it today?) can't spell good. This may be so. But what is paradoxical is that there are (or rather is, number being singular though common parlance tends to use the plural form, perversely - or higgorantly) a large number of puzzle books and crosswords around for which a perfect ability to spell is a must requirement, if they are to be satsfactorily completed. That they exist is a sure testament to the fact that the editors think they are worthwhile. The only exception is the morning London Freebie the 'Metro', which dropped its crossword despite protest a year or more ago. So somebody out there can spell, even if it's not you.
Hwvr dnt wrry snc th grks cldnt spll prprly. THY 'CTULLY WRT WTH CPTL LTTRS LK TH JWS DD WTH HBRW, and even iffe I vandaleyes the llangwidge yu can stl undestand watt im wrighting and aparently shakespeer had sevral wais o' speling his nam and itte didde notte doo himme eny harme.

barking mad

Another item in to-day's paper - in addition to the alcohol one. A young man in Newcastle was being told by the local bobbies not to use bad language when he turned to some nearby barking dogs and growled at them instead. For this he was arrested, found guilty of upsetting them (the dogs, not the cops) and fined. The sentence was quashed on appeal. It reminded me of why I never never bark at dogs. As a young man myself I was doing the christmas postal round in a village on my bike. I passed a barking dog and barked back at it. I tell you I was tormented, chased and barked at by that dog for several minutes until I eventually managed to shake him off. I did not dare stop - and I was going up a long steep hill too.

under-age drinking

An alcohol charity, Alcohol Concern would like to see parents prosecuted for giving under 15s alcohol to drink due to the rise of over-drinking in that age group. Naturally government says it not a good idea as all systems are in place and society has turned a corner. Was it Newton who stated that for every action there is a reaction? There are indeed two sides to every argument. My own parents drank but in moderation and to put us off it they gave us three children a swig to drink at around the age of one! Sister and brother said yeuch, but yours truly licked his lips and said more. In the end after the age of 18 yours truly hated the stuff which he had had occasionally over the years, whereas bro and sis were content with the odd pint. Then as parent myself we had no drinks in the house and now all four children like their occasional (?) tipples - and for all I know their topples too - but only since they were 18! So who's right and who's wrong?

Ancient History

The powers-that-be are seriously considering dropping Ancient History from the curriculum. I can't understand the thinking behind this. The decision-makers have clearly forgotten that for a teenager (the group targeted) anything that happened yesterday and earlier is ancient history. So to drop it would cut quite a large slice out of the process of historical research.

royal action

Royal Action - or not, as the case may be. Poor Prince Harry. Works hard to train to do his bit for the country and there is a doubt whether he should be allowed to do it in the hot spot for fear of death, kidnap or undue extra attacks. Apparently it's ok for the poor squaddies so to endure. Meanwhile if they don't do anything so dangerous as stick their head above the parapet the royals are fair game for paparazzi to hound them and editors to have a go at them for their wasted, luxurious lifetstyle.

more on suspicious packages

Readers with good memories will recall that on Feb 28th I wrote of my wife and I seeing a package on a tube train and wondering whether to report it or not, with the risk of great disruption or a loud bang. Well today we had our answer. On the Tube again on a different line the driver announced that a suitcase had been left on the train and it had been reported, and an inspector would collect it at the next station (name given). So two minutes later we drew into the station, the rail official came into our carriage, took up the case by the handle and trundled off with it. The train then proceeded on its journey. No delay, no evacuation, no loud bang, no disruption, no bomb squad. Trouble is, I worry too much.

On the M25 (or off it)

I had an interesting email yesterday from a lady at Guildford Cathedral. In 1997 I started visiting places within and outside the M25 that I thought would be of interest to anyone wanting a fun day out, or a need for petrol or a pleasant hostelry which welcomed children and a myriad other things. As I was on my own and had other commitments it took a long time. Eventually it was finished in, I think 2003 though possibly a year or so earlier. However I didn't think it was sufficiently of publication standard so I put it on the web. I hoped people would find it when they used Google. Unfortunately I did not use a good web package and I found it inaccessible from Google, so it has languished unknown and unloved in cyberspace ever since! unless people knew the website address, which I had never advertised. Now Guildford Cathedral recently closed their Brass Rubbing Centre, and deleted all record of it from their website, but some people still found references to it turning up, so through www.everyclick.com she had been tracing those sites which mentioned the centre so that she could inform their owners to edit out any reference. So after all this time the dear old project has had a reader. Unfortunately since the software was rubbish I threw it away and cannot get into the site myself now to edit it. It does include an address to contact me if people want themselves to suggest edits - as the lady of G.C. had done - little good as it may be, unless I buy a new design package.

God and Britain

A couple of Times columnists in the past week have mentioned that for a person to talk about God is a real yawn and turn-off. One of them did put it in the context of secular Britain. So for Zach Johnson to be the winner of the Augusta Golf was an opportunity for him to say thanks to God and for columnists over here to stifle the collective yawn. But in the USA such a person is so common as to pass without comment. What does that say about us Christians over here for whom it is so difficult to express our faith and joy in following Jesus.

Son-in-law

There is much to be said for one's daughter getting married when the consequent son-in-law is such a dab hand at decorating - as well as floor laying - and said daughter willingly removes the two little 'uns away to a local park to meet up with friends. So thanks very much H and A (following the modern practice of not giving full names in public to save embarrassment or worse) for today's show.

Koo to hevs

Koo is reported as saying: "I didna like the sound o' that hevs person. A tone of some disparagement, I say. Why should we cows not speak? I hear tell the hevs has Scottish blood in her. ( Must ha' been greatly diluted.) I think there is also a touch of Kooism in what she says. Just let her come here and she'll get the point - with the help o' my horns.

Arathorn meets the Koo

Arathorn: Hello Koo.
Koo: And a good moo to you, young man.
Arathorn: That’s a nice compliment.
Koo: It wasnae really meant to be. But I’m glad you took it that way.
Arathorn: I’ve come up from south of the border to bring friendly greetings from Gerrie.
Koo: Gerrie?
Arathorn: Gerrie. You know, the cow you sent a few pictures to last year.
Koo: Och. I was forgetting. Greetings received with thanks, tell her, but I’ve got a bone to pick with her.
Arathorn: I’m sorry to hear that. What’s wrong? What’s she done?
Koo: Tell her she cannae spell my name.
Arathorn: Enlighten me.
Koo: Someone called dunadan – a weird kind o’ name to me – sent me a copy of the thing in July 2006 [see dunadan link] and I noticed that my name was spelt C.O.O.
Arathorn: Well, isn’t that right?
Koo: O’ course it’s not. Every self-respecting Koo doesn’t want his name spelt as if it’s a urprise. It’s spelt with a K. K.O.O.
Arathorn: Point taken. Is that all? Any other message for her?
Koo: Well, let me try and put this politely, young man. We ruminants need time to chew and digest, and have little time to moo with every Tom, Dick and Hamish that come along. Not like your Gerrie who might have a strange digestive system for all the talking she does.
Arathorn: Now, I wonder how you know she talks a lot…
But Koo has turned his back and walked off. Arathorn watched. The chat had not turned out quite what he had intended. He’ll need to improve his technique!